Trinity Legal Center. She know firsthand the pain and grief of
She has been a guest on a wide variety of radio programs,
including the Michael Reagan Show, and she was featured on
CBS News and the Sky Angel Network. She produced and
directed the talk show, Women and Abortion. She served as
national director for a pro-life organization, and she has been a
An actress by trade, Caron has appeared on television
and in film in productions such as The Rookie, JAG, and Days
of our Lives. Caron resides in Southern California with her
daughter Cayla, her sweetest blessing.
| I have had four abortions. Yes, four. People ask me how I could have had so many, and all I
can suggest is that my heart became hardened with each one. With each experience, I grew to
hate myself and numb my ability to feel.
My first abortion was when I was in Memphis, Tennessee, 19-years-old, and yet to be married.
When I discovered I was pregnant, I was horrified of what my family’s reaction would be.
My fiancée’s solution was abortion. There was no other alternative ever discussed by anyone.
Looking back, I feel like I was like a lamb led to slaughter. I remember hot tears rolling down the
sides of my face as the nurses in the room stood over me and talked about birthday cake.
My second abortion was in a house in Memphis. I was married by then. Other than fear and
selfishness, I can’t remember why I had the abortion. I lied and told my mother I had miscarried
because I had already told her I was pregnant, and she had seemed so excited. I felt terrible. It
was truly a horrific experience. It was the most traumatic of the four – the physical and
emotional pain at the same time were excruciating. It was horrific, absolutely horrific. The
abortionist seemed angry, and it took forever. I thought I would die on the table. Today I realize
my baby must have been much further along than I had been told.
I have very little memory of my third abortion in Encino, CA, except the emotional pain of
choosing to abort after having considered keeping my baby. I thought it would kill me. I wanted
to die. There was enormous bleeding for weeks afterward, but I had become used to it.
My marriage was virtually over. My husband left me only weeks later. There were hardly
enough drugs or alcohol to cover up my anger and hostility toward myself and the anguish
over my choices. Somehow, I carried on.
My fourth abortion was at Family Planning Associates in Glendale, CA. When I got to the
waiting room, there were children. I couldn't handle it. I went back to the lady at the window. I
may have been crying; I don’t remember. She sent me home saying that I couldn't make this
decision in that condition and that it seemed I needed to think about it. So I went home, and it
killed me knowing that this little thing of mine was growing into a baby more and more every
day – that’s how I looked at it. And it killed me that I hadn't gone through with it before, because
I was a mess. I remember lying in my bed looking at the ceiling, dying inside. The next day, I
drank a beer or something and smoked a cigarette, thinking, “That’s it, I've ruined it, now I have
to abort.” That was my way of sealing the deal, so to speak. I felt total worthlessness and
hopelessness as a human being, before and after.
I received a phone call later. They didn't think they got it all. As hardened as I was by now, I
asked, “What? You think you left a leg or something?” Silence. I was being sarcastic – I had no
idea this was what they would be looking for when they scheduled me to come back in.
By the grace of God, I quit drinking, starving myself, and using drugs. Still, for years and
years, I struggled with suicidal thoughts and deep depressions, longing to be with my children. I
had to look at all of this through new eyes. God has gently led me through a journey of healing
since 1990, and I have been blessed in spite of myself with my precious, sweet daughter Cayla.
I have had many, many dreams about my children over the years. I know I will be rejoined with
them in Heaven by my merciful Heavenly Father.
|"Still, for years
and years, I
longing to be
with my children.
I had to look at all
of this through
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